Cheeseburger vs Eh
by Chief Spazork
Summary: After watching the Olympics at Matthew's house, Alfred and he get into an argument. Parody, lulz. Quick little idea, very rushed.


( LOLOL. IDEA FROM A FRAN. 3 I don't know Hetalia that well, so excuuuuuse me! )

"GOD DAMNIT, CHEESEBURGER GAH."

"-and Canada has won! Close game by the Americans, but Crosby slipped right by Miller and-" CLICK. The remote to the TV flew over the set, hitting the wall with a thud before landing on the ground. Its thrower, Alfred F. Jones, stood up and pointed accusingly at his host, a patriotic rage overcoming him. How could they lose?! It had been tie, and then the overtime, and they weren't expected to do that good at all BUT LOSE?! IMPOSSIBLE!

"You just got lucky!" he shouted, pacing back and forth before plopping back down in his chair. The blonde sitting in the large plush chair next to him polished his glasses with a smirk. Matthew knew his brother would react this way. He donned the Canadian leaf, the flag of Canada in his left hand to show his own patriotism.

"It wasn't luck, Alfred. We won with skill." Despite his normal shy and quiet demeanor, Matt couldn't help but feel immense pride in his country; he had just beat his brother after so much gloating on Alfred's part, and had been a perfect gentleman all the way through. "So don't be such a sore loser about it," he added on, chuckling softly. Oh, it was great to be a winner. And in their sport, too! Hockey was their forte, and they had played well on their own turf, thankfully.

"Pfft. Then why did America beat you guys in the first match, hm?" Alfred shot back, glaring at the ever calm brother. Raising an eyebrow, Matt pet Kumajirou thoughtfully. For once he would let himself entertain Alfred's pride and temper.

"Pity, of course!" Oh, the look on Alfred's face. If he had had a camera, it would have been used right there. "Here in Canada, we like to be good hosts and all. So we let you win! It was nothing," he continued, surprised he could find it in himself to say such things. "And with fourteen golds to finish it up, I think we hosted it pretty good, eh?" Okay, okay, he had probably better stop it before Alfy had a ta-

"Pity?! Yeah right! You're just making crap up!" Alfred picked up his extra large soda cup, and took a long sip. "And we still got the most medals overall! When we don't even care much for your stupid winter sports!" Oooh, yes. He went there. But it was true! America wasn't known for their hockey team! Hell! They had gone in and had been expected to lose all the games they played! Even with the silver, they proved so many people wrong.

"Stupid?! Stupid?!" Oh no he didn't! Usually Matthew could ignore Alfred's jabs at him, and usually he would just take them intro stride. But now, when he was feeling pretty damn good about himself and country, he felt the intense sensation to fight back for once. He would _not _have this win pulled out from under his feet. "Stupid is all _your _stupid crap! Like _CHEESEBURGERS!_ And _MCDONALDS,"_ he replied hotly, much to the 'gasp' of Alfred.

Insulting his sports teams was one thing. BUT INSULTING THE CHEESEBURGERS?! That meant full out war. And if everybody in the world knew one thing, it was that America was good at war. Or just causing problems.

"At least other countries actually REMEMBER who we are! UH. MARE. EEE. KUH. Who are you? OH WAIT. I forgot! Aren't you that STUUUPID mass of _ice_ on top of UH-MARE-EEE-KUH?!" Back on his feet, Alfred's voice rose as he continued on with his banter. His pride was hurt, but be damned if he wouldn't be in for a quick come back. Especially after his brother had made the jab at the cheeseburgers. Because the cheeseburgers was just crossing THE LINE.

"We aren't just all ice, and are for sure better than beetle-eating war-hungry, oil-hungry, and overall just hungry and fat AMERICA, eh!"

"THE BEETLE-EATING WAS A FRIEND, AND SHE DOES NOT COUNT TOWARDS THE OVERALL POPULATION, CHEESEBURGER."

"BUT SHE'S STILL AN AMERICAN AND THEREFORE REPRESENTS YOUR STUPID AMERICANNESS. And what's up with the cheeseburger?"

"At least we can defend ourselves! Oh wait! You don't have to, since nobody WANTS YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE. AND I'M MOCKING YOUR STUPID 'EH' THING, CHEESEBURGER"

"Canada can take care of its own people with its FREE HEALTH CARE, so suck on that!"

"NO, I WILL NOT. Go home and eat your STUPID MAPLE SYRUP while we actually make a DIFFERENCE IN THE WORLD, CHEESEBURGER."

"Yeah! By being the nosiest and most stupid and bold and FAT country there is! AND WOULD YOU STOP WITH THE CHEESEBURGER, EH?!"

"Well obviously we're liked given how many other people we have in the country, cheeseburger! And no! I will not!"

"NO. That is because your jobs are SO EASY TO GET that it makes life simpler just to move there, and kick out your own population while others STEAL YOUR JOBS. And then your outdid masses MOVE HERE AND LOVE THEIR NEW FREE HEALTH CARE, AND OUR EH'S."

"Would you shut up about the health care?!"

"Why should I, when it's so much better than yours!"

"Because that, and hockey, and syrup, is all you guys have! So it just PROVES that America is better!"

"LIES. AND. DECEIT. I object to that statement!"

"OVERULED. We have baseball, and football, and Chuck E. Cheese, and horse racing, and the Constitution, and APPLE PIE AND CHEESEBURGERS AND EVEN WHISKEY!"

"We have health care and syrup and low violence rates and A LOT OF PRETTY LOOKING SCENARY."

"I SAID SHUT UP ABOUT THE HEALTH CARE. SHUT IT UP. SHUT IT UP NOW."

"BUT THE HEALTH CARE BEATS EVERYTHING."

"It does not! Our military could beat your health care!"

"Lies! Your military is over-funded and is probably half the reason why America has so much problems now!"

"Pretty sad that even with all our problems we're STILL better than Canada!"

"And you wonder why other countries get annoyed with you! You're so arrogant!"

"Rather be arrogant than completely unknown to the outside world, cheeseburger."

"ENOUGH. WITH. THE CHEESEBURGER."

"NO."

-Two Hours Later-

"So… How about some syrup for my pancakes?" Alfred sat at the table, having somehow managed to find the supplies in Matthew's kitchen to make himself up some chocolate chip pancakes.

"I knew all you wanted was my syrup!" the brother replied, and stomped out of the room, slamming the door behind him. Alfred was left in befuddlement, staring at the door his sibling had just exited out of. Another door opened, and Belgium stomped in before poking the blonde man in the chest, glaring down at him.

"WHAT?! So my waffles aren't _good_ enough for you?! Got to have your stupid pancakes, right? Well forget you too!" she followed Matthew's suit, leaving Alfred alone in Canada's kitchen, without syrup, and with some chocolate chip pancakes.

{Omg, leave me alone. xD I got so lazy towards the end… Anyway, set in present day and whatnot as you can tell, right after the hockey game in which, Amurica, unfortunately, lost. Anywho, I was having good lulz with mah friend who will remain nameless, and came up with this. I have only read like two chapters of Hetalia, but know a lot about it from friends, so ignore character switches. I know Canadur is totally wrong. But he's angry and prideful right now! So yeah. And the beetle thing… xD Ignore the quirks. Some things only certain people will get.}


End file.
